Connecting With Empathy and Validation

Want to improve your ability to connect with others? You can do this by saying less, listening better, practicing empathy, and validating experiences.

Sometimes it seems that the only way to be heard is to be the LOUDEST voice with the MOST words. This is called talking AT people and is much different from talking with people. If you are talking at people, they aren’t feeling heard and they will eventually tune out what you say.

Communication that connects well with others is a quieter conversation. It listens with the goal of hearing what others have to say instead of waiting to make your own point. Listening well is a learned skill and does take some practice. Make eye contact, lean forward (just a bit, don’t butt into their personal space), maintain open body posture. Don’t lean back with folded arms and gaze off to the side. Resist the temptation to jump into conversations just to make your point or to share your experience.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Empathy listens and listens well. Empathy is okay with sitting in silence. Empathy says “I hear you and I care.” Empathy doesn’t attempt to fix things unless that help is requested. It isn’t pity or sympathy; it is sensitive to the thoughts and emotions of the speaker.

Validation is accepting that their feelings are real, even if those feelings are different from yours. It says “Your feelings matter and are valid.” Validation confirms that while we may have many things in common, we also experience life differently. Validation also seeks to point out what is good about the abilities of others. It builds up and encourages. Validation can go a long way to making a difficult conversation easier and provides a way to help people begin to work together towards a joint goal.

Learning to listen well, practice empathy, and offer validation will naturally increase your ability to connect well with others.